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Wendy’s Set to Install Ordering Kiosks in 1,000 Locations So You Can Stuff Your Gob Faster

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Wendy’s Set to Install Ordering Kiosks in 1,000 Locations So You Can Stuff Your Gob Faster

But the Frosty machine will still always be down.

In the shadow of the looming robot revolution that will take all of our jobs and leave us at the mercy of bipedal humanoids, the ginger fast food giant Wendy’s announced Monday that those fries will now come with a side of cyborg. In order to cut on labor costs, Wendy’s announced that 1,000 locations will be outfitted with self-ordering kiosks on an average of three per store with higher volume restaurants securing priority in placement. If you happen to be a lucky bitch that lives near a Wendy’s with poppin’ peak times, then you’ll probably be able to order a Baconator faster than the rest of us peasants.

The kiosks are a *~somewhat desperate bid by CIO David Trimm to appeal to the vegan and gluten-free millennials who are fleeing the fast food scene in droves for the cramped Whole Foods cafes of strip mall fame. The motivation behind the switch, aside from an overall lower number of hourly employees to be budgeted is the promise that Wendy’s will beef up (lol, literally) their food prep and production lines so you can get your mitts on that greasy brown bag much, much faster.

This is for you, sweaty 16 year old working the Friday dinner rush alone because everyone called off for that party you didn’t get invited to but it’s okay because you *~didn’t~* want to go anyway. This is for you.

Darren Tristano, vice president of Technomic, a food-service research firm states the obvious in:

“They are also trying to enhance the customer experience. Younger customers prefer to use a kiosk.”

Regardless of us inching closer to the impossibly long and outstretched arms of our future mechanical overlords…we can order a greasy cure for that bottle of Pinot Grigio last night and not have to actually talk to anyone?

The future is now, and it tastes like beef and cheese.

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